Michael Hollander

Idea Guy

A chicken nugget water fountain It's like a regular water fountain but instead of water, a steady stream of chicken nuggets I'm not sure how it would work, maybe pneumatics That's not really my area of expertise I'm an Idea Guy They pay me for my Ideas Well, they should pay me for my Ideas Here's an Idea Pay me for my Ideas I don't work with my hands They don't pay me to work with my hands Because I'm an Idea Guy They pay me for my Ideas Well, they should pay me for my Ideas They put me in a room Nothing except pen and paper and my braincage They say, "We need some new Ideas, something novel" See, people love novelty really flips their switch A long time ago our Ancestors had the idea to walk upright What a novel Idea it was to walk upright Our hands are free and we made tools because we walk upright Our hands are free and now we have sex dollls Our hands are free and now bank fees Our hands are free and now we have day jobs Our hands are free and now we have landmines Our hands are free and now we have A-bombs Our hands are free and now we we have lethal injection Our hands are free and now we spawn Goya's and Khalo's and Kafka's and Sappho's and Borges' I'm an Idea guy They don't pay me to work with my hands  They pay me for my Ideas Well, they should pay me My ideas is to walk on all fours again I told them to walk on all fours again They said, "That's not the kind of ideas we're looking for" They said, "We're watching you to make sure you're still standing" I told them to take their meals on the wood floor I told them to make their kind on the cold ground I got down on my hands and knees and I left them I threw my wallet into the river I don't need money to be an Idea Guy They don't pay me to walk like a dog does I threw my pen into the river They said, "dogs are just a companion" I talk my meals on the wood floor I make my kind on the cold ground Everyone seems to be stooping He walked by on all fours on the cold ground I don't need ideas to be on the cold ground Now there's more who travel on all fours They don't need sex dolls to walk by on all fours There are more who pass through on all fours They don't need bank fees to walk by on all fours There are children who wander on all fours They don't need day jobs to walk by on all fours There are more who live here on all fours They don't need landmines or A-Bombs on all fours They don't need lethal injection on all fours I take my meals on the cold ground I make my Kind on the cold ground I'm and Idea Guy I don't work with my hands  Because I'm and Idea guy They don't pay me to work with my hands They pay me for my Ideas

Bio

Michael Hollander has not been reviewed by Rotten Tomatoes because he is not a movie. However he has been reviewed by the local police department and received a prestigious Class A. His daughter Luna is his smallest fan. Michael's influences include Aesop Rock, Saul Williams and every open mic poet he sees. Michael was recently diagnosed with unusually high levels of snark and given only 50 years to live. When informed of this news he declared, "I guess I'll probably take up smoking cigarettes. After all, it’s the little things that count, although my daughter can't count yet. She is pretty good at rolling a cigarette though."